I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
