Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize