gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
