I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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