There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me