So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.