My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle