Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
