The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.