She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
