I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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