just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
