i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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