So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
