You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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