And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
