Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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