I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
