I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had to coat check the pizza.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
