After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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