Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
