this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
