I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
