we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
