I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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