would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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