the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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