Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
