Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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