OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
