it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Randomize
