i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
