walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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