if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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