When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
