So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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