I should be sponsored by Trojan
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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