dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
