If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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