i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't deserve a penis
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
