You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I could fuck to npr.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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