I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
