My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
