so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
