i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
