he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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