Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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