Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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