hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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