How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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