please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
