Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
