you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
