i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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