yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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