Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
