So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize