I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
