I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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