If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone signed my nipple.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
