OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
