I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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