somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
