I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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