I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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