you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
