I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
