Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
