theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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