everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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