My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
