it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
