He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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