You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
